Change Your Goal From Perfection to Progress
If we want to create a more inclusive culture, we have to accept that we might make mistakes.
Did you know that 55% of people are uncomfortable talking about diversity and inclusion at work for fear of saying the wrong thing? If we’re going to create cultures of belonging and mattering, we need to set aside our perfectionism and instead make space for grace, growth, and learning. We’re all going to make mistakes — that’s part of the learning process. Once we accept this, we can focus on owning our mistakes and growing from them.
So how do we overcome this fear of saying the wrong thing? We need to give ourselves some grace, shift our goal from perfection to progress, and choose a path of learning instead of judgment and shame.
You can activate this mindset shift with these Microsteps:
When you make a mistake, ask yourself what you can learn from it.
Reframing mistakes or moments of discomfort as learning opportunities can help you develop a growth mindset and push you toward self-improvement.
If someone shares that something you said hurt or offended them, apologize. And thank them for letting you know.
Accountability is essential to create a culture of true inclusion and belonging. Once you’ve acknowledged your mistake, remember that it doesn’t define you.
If you’ve made a mistake, or think you might have, ask a trusted friend for their compassionately direct feedback.
Receiving honest feedback may be hard at first, but consider it a valuable opportunity to build self-awareness and learn from your mistakes.
At the end of the day, acknowledge one small thing you did to make someone else feel included.
Celebrating your small wins reminds you that you can have an impact even if you’re still learning and growing.
You can also cultivate a growth mindset with positive affirmations. As humans, we’re prone to self-doubt. In moments where you’re feeling the pressure to be perfect, or to get things right on the first try, use one of these positive affirmations:
“I am not defined by my mistakes.”
“I welcome all opportunities to learn and grow.”
“I am capable of doing difficult and uncomfortable things.”
“I can handle any challenge that comes my way.”
See a positive affirmation that resonates with you? Take this moment to write it down on a sticky note and place it somewhere you’ll see it each day.
Beliefs We’ve Had to Unlearn to Reach Our Goals
Some of our deeply ingrained beliefs could be preventing us from unlocking our full potential.
The lessons we learn in childhood often stay with us as adults. Some of these learnings are helpful — but others…not so much. From time to time, it’s valuable to pause and consider what deeply ingrained beliefs of ours are preventing us from unlocking our full potential.
We asked our Thrive community to share with us the lessons and beliefs they’ve unlearned as an adult in order to reach their goals. Which of these lessons have you unlearned as you’ve gotten older?
“If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
“This is the first lesson I unlearned as an adult and a professional who wanted to be forward-moving and progressive. Holding your tongue as an adult can be detrimental to your mental health, your character, and the trajectory of your career. I learned as an adult to make unfavorable comments with a kind delivery. You don’t have to hold your perspective back! Just be sure your delivery has impact followed by action.’
—Jessica M. Williams, career consultant, Fairfield, CA
“Aim for perfection.”
“One childhood lesson I had to unlearn very gradually was the need to always aim for perfection. Growing up, I wanted to be the best and achieve the very best of life. As I became more aware of who I am and the value I can bring to the world, I started learning to trust the process more and not worry so much about whether I achieved perfection. I realized that progression matters more than perfection.”
—Charles Omofuma Ituah, mental health counselor and mentor, Lagos, Nigeria
“Don’t show off.”
“As the eldest of four girls, it was pretty much a daily occurrence for me to be told to stop showing off. Looking back, I was fighting for attention, but I was being told it was not a good trait to have, learning that ’showing off’ is not what good girls do. Fast forward to my mid-40s when I was running my own business, I initially struggled to promote myself, as I felt it was almost vulgar behavior and not becoming. I had to reteach myself that talking about my business, sharing my achievements, and promoting myself authentically, wasn’t showing off. I had to unlearn what I was told as a child.”
—Shelley Bosworth, coach, Essex, U.K.
“Say yes to every opportunity.”
“As a child, I was told to accept every request that came my way in order to be successful. I now understand that timing and alignment matter, and that the opportunities meant for me will respect me and fit in my schedule without throwing me into a place where I have to sacrifice sleep to make it work. There will always be more opportunities down the line that may be a better fit. Doing things from a place of depletion or self-sacrifice can lead to burnout, and it makes us not perform at our best for existing commitments. It creates a lot of distraction, chaos, and scattered energy. I have found that saying ‘no’ to most things has worked for me, which is the opposite of what I was always told.”
—Karisa Karmali, personal trainer and nutrition coach, Ontario, Canada
“Failure is the opposite of success.”
“I’ve had to learn as I’ve gotten older that if you want to succeed, you need to experience failure. You must understand the feeling of all the pressure on yourself and use it as a motivation to continue to conquer the peak of your glory. Once we embark on something, if there is a failure, we should try to turn it into a success, no matter if we have to start again. I also failed many times in life and work. For the sake of my family and for the future, I have to try again from zero. I don’t see failure as a negative anymore. It’s part of my motivation!”
—La Ngọc Hưng, CEO, Buon Ma Thuot, Vietnam
“Others’ needs should go before your own.”
“I was always told that you should put others’ needs, desires, and preferences before your own. I had no boundaries, and I have since learned that boundaries help me define myself: what I want, like, think, prefer and feel about things. I read a lot about setting boundaries, and now I’m a boundaries coach! That’s how important they’ve been to me.”
—Barb Nangle, coach, New Haven, CT
“Words won’t hurt you.”
“One childhood lesson I’ve had to unlearn as an adult is that words don’t hurt, which came from the popular phrase ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.’ Words do matter and they are powerful. As an adult, I also know now how words can mend what is broken.”
—Kristin Meekhof, author and therapist, Royal Oak, MI
“Wait until someone calls on you.”
“It astonishes me when I think of the time I’d lost waiting to be called upon, either as a student in the classroom, terrified to raise my hand — or as a girlfriend at a school dance, waiting to be chosen. This continued as an employee, around tables, in conversations, waiting to be given the next opportunity — and as an entrepreneur, waiting for a ‘yes,’ one post from viral, one application from award-winning. It took me way too long to understand no one else will make my future their priority. No one but me!”
—Stacy Cassio, CEO, Charlotte, N.C.
“Everything has to get done.”
“As a child, I was someone who wrote the list and completed the list. That was how I studied, worked through tasks, prepared for a trip, and made decisions. As an adult, I have had to unlearn that the list has to be completed. During the pandemic, with virtual reality, I didn’t just own different hats, I wore them all at once, all day long: mother, colleague, neighbour, teacher, chef, learner, presenter, listener, speaker, and human being. So I had to switch my script and accept that the list is endless and more important than finishing it, is adding self-care to the top and ticking that off first.”
—Siobhan Kukolic, author, inspirational speaker and life coach, Toronto, ON, Canada
“Say sorry, even if it’s not your fault.”
“Growing up, I was expected to apologize for things that I hadn’t done, and accept responsibility for other peoples’ mistakes. As I grew up, this led me to believe that I had to take on the issues of others, try to fix them, put their needs first, and that I was always at fault if things went wrong. Outcomes for others were always my priority and I held a negative self-belief that when things didn’t work, it was my fault. I’ve had to unlearn this idea to shift to more positive ideas around my own actions. It has changed my perception and allowed me to move forwards in all areas of my life.”
—John Kenny, relationship coach, London, England, U.K.
Organizing Your Mindset: Declutter the Tasks That Aren’t Serving You Anymore
Experts weigh in on small ways you can re-evaluate what’s on your plate and discard what’s not working anymore.
When we think of organizing and decluttering, we often think of our pantries or closets. But decluttering can benefit us at work, too. Oftentimes, when we’ve been at our jobs for so long, we don’t pause to question if the tasks we’re spending our time on –– or the meetings we’re routinely attending –– are serving us or our team any longer.
“Over time, we often have tasks added to our plate, but we don't always take time to step back and to make sure that what is on our plate is still the most important,” Elizabeth Grace Saunders, time management coach and the author of The 3 Secrets to Effective Time Investment and Divine Time Management, tells Thrive. More employees need to be comfortable “taking ownership over their workload and delegating or dropping tasks that aren't serving them or their teams anymore.” Plus: doing so can make you happier. “When employees can take some ownership over what they spend their time on, they’re likely to be more motivated and stay at the company longer,” adds Elana Feldman, Ph.D., assistant professor of management at the University of Massachusetts Lowell Manning School of Business.
If you need some help decluttering your workload, here are five expert-backed tips to try:
Create a list of all of your current priorities.
Oftentimes, we do so many different things on any given day that we don’t actually have them written down anywhere. But when we take time to re-evaluate what we’re dedicating our efforts toward, we can deprioritize what’s no longer working, and find more valuable ways to spend our time. “The first step of spring cleaning should be taking stock of what tasks you’re already doing,” Feldman says. “A lot of people think they know what they're doing with their time, but we know from research that we often get caught up in things.” Feldman suggests making some time to make a list of your current tasks and responsibilities. “Step one is asking: What am I doing? How much time am I spending on each task, and what does that really look like?” she adds. “Get a clear picture of where your starting point is.”
Have an open conversation with your manager
Asking your manager to have them weigh in on what you can declutter from your workload can help you get some clarity on what you should be prioritizing. “Someone who doesn't do your job may not understand how long certain items take and/or how many impromptu requests come up throughout your day,” Saunders says. “Do they want you to spend less time on certain items? drop them? hire contract help? or renegotiate expectations?” Having an honest conversation about your current workload can help you and your manager get on the same page and re-prioritize together. Plus, this can also be a good time to talk to your manager about the tasks you want to do more of. “Ask yourself which tasks you wish you could devote more of your time to,” Feldman suggests. “If you think about your time in a pie, ultimately, what the spring cleaning should do is get you to a point where more of the pie fulfills you.”
Be mindful of distractions
Sometimes, it can feel like we have more work than we actually do because we’re so distracted by incoming emails and Slack messages during the day. “Research on interruptions shows that interruptions come in and people turn their attention to them, so they can be a very inefficient way to actually get our work done,” Feldman says –– which is why it can be helpful to pause and remind ourselves to be more mindful of what’s distracting us. “Ask yourself: Am I intentionally prioritizing? Am I being mindful, or am I letting email or my Slack channel or other interruptions really dictate what I'm doing?” Once you can become more mindful of that, there are strategies you can try to minimize those distractions. “Consider batching your responses to messages,” Saunders adds. “For example, instead of being on email all day long, check it three times a day.” Cutting back on constantly answering messages can help you protect your time and free you up for other priorities.
Consider the tasks that energize you, and the ones that don’t
When it comes to spring cleaning, it’s important to look at what you’re currently doing, and ask yourself which of your tasks bring you joy, meaning, and purpose –– and which feel depleting, or not necessary to keep doing anymore. Researchers call this idea “job crafting,” and Feldman suggests trying it by asking yourself which of your tasks energizes you. “It might be the work that you really love, work that’s helping you meet your goals or your team’s goals, or maybe it's the people that you get to work with for a particular task,” she says. “And then you can think about which tasks you might find less motivating and could be done by someone else. Ask yourself if there are some that don’t really need to be done at all anymore, or maybe don’t need to be done as much.” When you take time to notice how much time you’re spending on a task that isn’t helping you or your team, it might be a sign that it’s time to take it off your plate.
Don’t be afraid to delegate when necessary
There might be parts of our jobs that don’t fall in our area of expertise or part of our skill sets, but they still need to get done –– which is where delegation comes in. Part of your decluttering process should be considering who else on the team should be doing certain tasks that don’t make sense for your workload anymore, and discussing that transition with your manager. “Discuss some tasks with your manager that could be done as well, or even better, by someone else on the team,” Feldman says. “Maybe there's a junior person who's come in who could really benefit from some new opportunities and learning. Maybe there's someone on the team who really enjoys that type of task, even though you don't.” We all are different when it comes to what we enjoy doing, so it’s important to break out of the mindset that we have to keep doing what we’ve always done. And if there is something that has to stay on your plate that you don’t enjoy, try asking yourself what the meaning is behind it. “There are always going to be some aspects of our jobs that aren’t our favorites,” Feldman adds –– identifying what goal it’s helping your team meet can help you see the bigger picture.
Mindset Shifts to Help You Through Uncertain Times
Resilience isn’t about never facing challenges; it’s about how you respond to them.
Oftentimes, we think that in order to stay resilient through times of change, we need to fall prey to the "always on" mentality, working around the clock and saying yes to every task that comes our way. However, we’ve seen from research that working without boundaries and not taking any time to slow down only leads to exhaustion and burnout. And in order to be able to manage stress, we need to allow ourselves to reset and recharge, especially during difficult times.
If you’re navigating through a time of change or uncertainty, try these mindset shifts to help you protect your well-being and stay resilient:
Instead of, “I need to be working my hardest at all times,” remind yourself: “I’m at my best when I take time to rest.”
It may be tempting to work hard all of the time, but working relentlessly without breaks can lead to burnout and decreased productivity. Studies show that incorporating regular breaks and periods of rest into your routine can significantly boost your overall well-being and work performance. Instead of pushing yourself to the limit, embrace the idea that taking time to rest makes you more effective and efficient in the long run.
Instead of, “I have to say yes to everything to prove myself,” tell yourself: “Saying no to certain tasks frees me up to do my best work.”
If you’re a people pleaser or a perfectionist, you may have trouble saying no to certain opportunities, but the truth is, doing so allows you to focus on what truly matters without spreading yourself too thin. It’s important to recognize that declining certain tasks, meetings or opportunities isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather it’s a way to protect your time and energy for the most important work. If you’re not sure where to start, ask your manager for help determining what you can deprioritize.
Instead of, “I must control everything in order to succeed,” try thinking: “I can adapt to changes and still achieve my goals.”
In times of uncertainty, trying to gain control over every detail of the situation can lead to stress and overwhelm. Instead, try focusing on being adaptable and flexible. Embracing change can be a powerful learning experience, and accepting that you can’t control everything will help you adapt to your new circumstances without stressing yourself out.
8 Microsteps to Help You Replace Perfectionism With Self-Compassion
Leaning into kindness and empathy can help you shift your perspective — and see your setbacks as opportunities for growth.
We’re often told to set ambitious goals and work on bettering ourselves, and it’s human nature to want to evolve and progress. But when we get too caught up in the pressure to be perfect, we end up feeling stressed and anxious. The truth is, experiencing mistakes and setbacks is what helps us learn and grow. Being hard on ourselves about any sort of failure only leads to shame, self-criticism, and guilt. Researchers have found that perfectionism is more prevalent than ever, and it’s affecting psychological well-being and feelings of distress, especially among young people.
One powerful way to manage expectations is to lean into self-compassion. Self-compassion is the practice of being gentle with ourselves when we encounter difficulties or failures. It involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and empathy that we would offer to a friend in need. By shifting our focus from perfection to self-compassion, we can create more realistic expectations for ourselves and more sustainable habits.
Here are eight Microsteps to help you replace perfectionism with self-compassion:
When you notice you’re being hard on yourself, ask yourself, “Is this how I would talk to a friend or loved one?” That simple shift in perspective can help you tweak your self-talk and treat yourself more kindly.
If you’re frustrated with a task or project, take a break to do something that brings you joy. Taking a break to do something you love, whether it’s listening to music or taking a walk, can be a great way to get out of your own head and come back with a clear mind.
When you start a task, set a timer. Allocating specific time limits for tasks can help prevent overthinking and perfectionistic tendencies. Remind yourself that you can always put a project down and come back to it later.
Ask for honest feedback from your team. If you’re prone to judging your own work harshly, get a second opinion rather than critiquing your own abilities. Your teammate will likely have some positive feedback that can help motivate you.
Instead of saying “practice makes perfect,” reframe the mantra to “practice makes progress.” This reframing can help you let go of perfectionist tendencies and remind yourself that effort is worth celebrating whether you fully achieve your goal or not.
When you experience a setback, ask yourself what you can learn from it. Reminding yourself that there’s a lesson to be learned from each mistake can help you be more compassionate with yourself the next time you experience one.
Repeat a celebratory mantra when you accomplish something. Maybe it’s “I am strong and capable,” or something as simple as “I am happy to be here.”
Remind yourself to focus on progress, not perfection. Letting go of the idea of doing everything perfectly allows you to both celebrate small achievements and understand that small setbacks won’t undo all the progress you’ve made.
Reset Your Limiting Mindsets and Beliefs
Try these Microsteps to replace the beliefs that hold you back with mindsets that help you thrive.
To start creating new habits, it’s key to identify some of the beliefs that might be holding us back from positive change, which we call limiting beliefs — and to shift to new ways of thinking that focus on what you can do, not what you can’t.
We have the ability to change and rewire the way our brain sees the world through an incredible process called neuroplasticity. When we practice a new way of thinking, eventually the new way of thinking will become stronger and more resilient than our old one.
Here are some Microsteps that will help you reframe your limiting beliefs to more positive ones:
At the end of each day, acknowledge one thing you accomplished.
Focusing on your wins, no matter how small, will pave the path toward a growth mindset.
When you’re stressed, think of a specific time when you overcame an obstacle.
Spreading humor and joy is a great way to transcend the challenges of this moment.
Once a day, challenge one of your own recurring negative thoughts.
If you catch yourself in a negative mindset, you can pause and view the moment through a different lens. You’ll build the mental muscle of reframing so it becomes your default.
Treat yourself as you would a good friend.
Reframing your negative self-talk can help you become more compassionate toward yourself.
Next time you reflect on a failure, ask yourself what you can learn from it.
Instead of blaming yourself or someone else, which is unproductive and can lead you to see yourself as a victim, ask what changes you can make or what skills you can develop to succeed next time.
How to Stop a Spiral of Negative Thinking In Its Tracks
When your mind starts to race, these in-the-moment strategies can help you pause and maintain perspective.
We often talk about the longer-term habits and behavior changes that help us combat stress and burnout — but sometimes, we need in-the-moment strategies for an infusion of calm. During an overwhelming moment, it’s completely normal for our thoughts to start to spiral. But when we arm ourselves with tools to help us cope in those moments of panic, we can learn to pause and maintain perspective when we feel overwhelmed.
We asked our Thrive community to share with us the tips that help them maintain perspective in a moment of overwhelm or panic. Which of these strategies will you try?
Distract yourself with a puzzle
“I find that solving a challenging Sudoku puzzle stops my mind from spiraling out of control. I have recently found an app that lets you play sudoku ‘battles’ with other people in real time, which really forces me to concentrate on the game.”
—Bianca Riemer, leadership coach, London, UK
Take a deep breath
“One thing that helps me stop from spiraling into a negative thought loop is breathwork. I pause whatever it is that I was doing and I turn inwards. I consciously focus on taking slow and deep belly breaths in through the nose and expanding my belly outwards.”
—Paulina Xenia, manifestation coach, Portugal
Tap into a nostalgic memory
“I go back to a time where my dog and I were on an island on a large lake in Minnesota where we would sit on the dock or on top of the hill or on the porch and admire the beauty around us. It’s very beautiful whatever the time of year, and this memory helps to keep my mind from spiraling.”
—M Larson, A/R supervisor, Sacramento, CA
Give yourself a laugh
“When my mind feels overwhelmed, I like to use my technique called ‘A Handful Of Stories’ to interrupt the spiral of negativity and gain some clarity. As the mind is so determined to think, I like to take control and make up five stories instead of letting it run the show, I find the more absurd the better. I find laughter is great to calm me down and get me thinking rationally again.”
—Sam Curtis, life coach, London, UK
Pause for a movement break
“I have found negative thoughts to be really difficult to deal with. What has helped me stop the spiral is to do something physical like exercise, especially strength training. I believe that the reason for this is that I have to stay focused on what it is that I am doing to avoid injuries. What I have found is that taking my focus away from the negativity and placing it on something that requires attention and either physical strength or dexterity is extremely helpful to stop the negative thought spiral.”
—Veronica Benton, human resources professional
Take your thoughts to paper
“I use a reframing exercise. I write down the trigger situation and next to it what my automatic thought is about it. Then I pause to consider a new way to look at the trigger situation and reframe my view. I write the new perspective next to it. Writing it down gets it out of my head, clarifies my thoughts, and helps me identify when my inner critic is showing up. It’s a powerful exercise that’s simple and can be done anywhere.”
—Kathryn Sandoe, entrepreneur and executive director, Lancaster, PA
Try “thought switching”
“If your mind is racing with all kinds of negative thoughts, try thought switching. Think of a place where you feel calm and relaxed — it could be a beach, a country walk, or your garden — and describe it in great detail to yourself, mouthing the words as you speak rather than keeping them in your mind. This is one of my favorite techniques.”
—Dr. Sue Peacock, consultant health psychologist, Bedford, UK
Give yourself a pep talk
“I use a classic brain retraining technique. As soon as the negative thought starts to repeat, you say: ‘Stop, Stop, Stop’ and then put both hands up in a stop motion, and say, ‘Thank you for warning me, but I’ve got this. A solution is available and this will resolve.’ Repeat as necessary!”
—Penny Guyon, marketing and publicity consultant, Los Angeles, CA
Make a list
“I stop my mind from spiraling by making a list of the worst case scenarios and specifically what I can do to handle those should they occur. This makes me trust myself more and take action in a direction that mitigates rather than exacerbates my worries.”
—Karisa Karmali, online fitness trainer, Ontario, CA
Go into another room
“Whenever a negative thought pops into my mind, I immediately get up and go into another room such as my bedroom or kitchen. This physical and mental shift helps to reset my thought pattern before a negative spiral begins. Even something as simple as making a cup of tea or having a shower helps to take my minds off of things and break the pattern of negative thinking.”
—Karen Farrell, mindfulness teacher, London, UK
Look at nostalgic photos
“I keep a photo album on my phone that contains pictures of all the people I love. It includes photos from fun nights out with friends, special occasions, pictures of my babies, beautiful places I’ve been, and some lovely mundane moments too. I keep it fairly up to date and if I feel I’m having a bad day, it helps me remember that we need the bad moments to appreciate the good, and that there are plenty of good moments still to come.”
—Jessica Brewer, founder of Emiz HR & Coaching, London, UK
Watch a movie you love
“I am a huge movie junkie, and I find that a comforting genre such as fantasy or animation calms me down instantly. If I am anxious or depressed, I tend to spiral because I get anxious or depressed about being anxious or depressed! Putting on something happy, like Disney or Harry Potter, knocks me out of my loop and puts me in my happy place. It works every time. If I am in the middle of work, I will put a movie on that I know well, with no sound. Just the visual ambiance that I can glance at every now and then feels comforting.”
—Natalie Constable, brand strategist, Tulsa, OK
Examine your physical environment
“I’m a big believer in the mind-body connection. I’ve noticed a pattern with this type of catastrophic thinking. Most often, my vulnerability factors are out of balance. This could mean any of the factors that have the potential to energize me are actually depleting me; I’m running on lack of sleep, social burnout, physical exhaustion, or hunger. Whenever I feel my negative thoughts spiral, I pause and examine each of my vulnerability factors, choosing one to restore. This helps me approach any situation more rationally and regain control of my thoughts.”
—Rachel Reiss, HR program manager, Norfolk, VA
Consider the worst case scenario
“When my mind starts spiraling, I go to worst case scenario thinking first. This stops the spiral and gives the scenario credence by embracing it instead of trying to ignore it. The next step is to seek acceptance or better yet a solution. When the brain seeks solutions, it stops spiraling and starts inspiring. When you change what you focus on, what you focus on changes.”
—MaryJoye, licensed mental health counselor, FL
Recite a mantra that helps you redirect
“When my mind gets busy or stuck in negative thinking, I use a mantra to snap myself out of it. Saying the words ‘no thinking’ either aloud or in my mind helps me stop in my tracks and reset. These words prompt me to take a few deep breaths and acknowledge that I can change my thinking to have a new experience. It works every time!”
—Emily Madill, author and creativity coach (ACC), Nanaimo, B.C., Canada
10 Mindset Shifts That Have Helped Us Reach Our Goals
When we trade our limiting beliefs for positive ones, we’re able to create change and reach our goals.
Our beliefs shape how we view the world and how we act. And in order to create better habits, it’s key to identify if we’re holding onto any limiting beliefs that might be holding us back from positive change. For instance, thinking we don’t have the willpower to live a healthier lifestyle, or that it’s too late in our careers to make a change. Fortunately, research shows we can actually retrain our thought patterns to make them more positive through a process called neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to change and adapt in response to our life experiences. This process allows us to trade a limiting belief for a more positive one that empowers us to take action toward our goals.
We asked our Thrive community to share with us the mindset shifts that have helped them create positive change in their lives. Which of these mindsets resonates with you?
Everything is temporary.
“This mindset shift has been life-changing as I learned to navigate adulthood. It applies to every facet of my life from being a parent to being an employee. By reminding myself that everything is temporary, both the good and the bad, it allows me to be more present during the highs and gives me solace during the lows. By keeping in the forefront of my mind that everything will pass, I can reframe my attention and refocus my thoughts to help me achieve my goals and prioritize my life.”
—Danielle Doolen, communications professional and writer, Charlotte, NC
I can handle the obstacles that come my way.
“I start each day with a short mindful meditation along with an intention for the day. My intention is how I would like my day to look and usually it’s along the lines of. ‘I look forward to the adventures of the day, knowing I can handle any obstacle that comes my way.’ I learn from every experience and know that my path forward is a series of stepping stones that leads me to my highest potential” Setting up my day like this trains me to be positive and teaches me that happiness is a choice we make.”
—Camille Sacco, banker and meditation instructor, Winter Park, FL
It’s not too late to get started.
“I decided on January 1st, 2016 that I had all I needed to be the change I wished to see. After 32 rejections for various children’s book manuscripts (and a goal of 100 rejections because Dr. Seuss received 43 for his first story), I started a blog. That led to signing a contract to print my book, The Treasure You Seek, and that opened up speaking opportunities to corporations and youth about embracing failure and having grit. If I had waited until the timing was perfect, until I had the answers and the connections, the days would still have passed and none of those dreams would have been accomplished. So start now. With what you have. And you can change everything.”
—Siobhan Kukolic, author, speaker and life coach, Toronto, Canada
Happiness is mine for the making.
“My mom once shared with me that there isn’t a quota on success and happiness. That piece of wisdom became my aha moment that happiness is mine for the making. My happiness doesn’t take away from someone else creating their version of happiness. If anything, it helps spread the possibility that we are all worthy of a happy life. Any time I get tripped up by a self-limiting belief, I come back to this truth and it always sets me back on the path of reaching for the stars and enjoying my full life.”
—Emily Madill, author and certified professional coach, Nanaimo, B.C., Canada
This is what I can do.
“The biggest mindset shift that has occurred for me is to focus on things that I can do, and then get on with my life. This helps me avoid other kinds of negative thought tracks. For example, in regard to the war in Ukraine, I can donate some funds, tell my politicians to support Ukraine, and sign some petitions. I also stay lightly informed each day. That is realistically all I can do, so I commit to do that, and then I move onto the rest of life.”
—Dave Galloway, principal strategist, North Vancouver, BC
Where attention goes, energy flows.
“Several of my mentors have shared some variation of ‘Where attention goes, energy flows,’ which essentially means that what we focus on, we get more of. Shifting thoughts from what I don’t want to what I do want has made it so much easier to achieve my goals – it allows for flow rather than resistance. Shifting our mindset isn’t difficult, we just have to remember to do it again and again until it becomes a more positive default. It’s one of the reasons practicing mindfulness is so important and has had such a tremendous impact on my life.”
—Adriane David, mindfulness-based executive and personal coach, Calgary, AB Canada
I can choose to let go.
“One process I’ve committed to is acknowledging what’s happening, accepting how I feel, and choosing to let go. This process has helped me identify how I feel, validate with acceptance and let go so I don’t hold onto these feelings. First, I acknowledge what I see happening from my perspective. From there, I choose to accept the reality that this is what I’m experiencing right now. I say out loud something like, ‘I acknowledge I feel this way, but I also accept that this is happening.’ And in response to that, I accept that I feel this way and I let go.”
—Josh Neuer, licensed professional counselor, Greenville, SC
I don’t have to do this alone.
Sometimes tasks and projects feel overwhelming and paralyzing. Not knowing enough about a topic or not having a skill can keep me from working on a project. A mindset shift that I often use is to not go at it alone, and to build a team to get work done. I have used this new mindset in a variety of ways, from doing solo work on a project at home such as landscaping to working collaboratively on a work project like creating training courses. My mindset is that it is more fun to work as a team and the final outcome will be improved.”
—Ellen Delap, certified professional organizer, Kingwood, TX
I can learn to befriend fear.
“One mindset shift that has allowed me to create positive change has been learning to befriend fear. As we move through life and evolve, fear can be a main obstacle that prevents us from attaining what we desire, if we let it. I’ve learned to interpret situations where I feel fearful as part of my growth, and the ability to calm my nervous system in the moment so I can move through that fear is a required skill in order to reach that next level. Often, I will reflect on past experiences where I felt fearful or nervous, and remember how they ended with a positive result. I like to dig deep into my limiting beliefs by asking myself, ‘What are you really afraid of?’ The answer is usually something that is highly implausible. Understanding where certain beliefs came from has also helped me to learn that thought and beliefs are not permanent.”
—Kimberly B. Smith, life and business coach, Houston, TX
Change is possible.
“For six months in my early adulthood, I was a homeless Air Force veteran being treated for complex PTSD. I committed to doing the work that would help me unlearn habits and beliefs that helped me survive my childhood circumstances but no longer served me. The most impactful mindset shift I made was choosing to believe that change was possible with effort. I decided to hold onto the belief that if I read the right books, listened to superior wisdom, and implemented the right actions, I could turn my life around. None of these changes happened overnight, and I am still a work in progress. However, I am a woman who has since put herself through college, led a successful career as a corporate marketing strategist, funded academic scholarships, and launched successful businesses. For me, mindset work is a daily necessity because I believe I have a responsibility to myself to always choose intentional growth.”
—Marcia Hylton, business consultant, El Paso, TX
Ask An Expert: How Can I Reframe a Negative Mindset and Improve My Mental Health?
Thrive Global's Chief Training Officer Joey Hubbard answers a common question about reframing.
Q: As I’ve been reflecting on my mental health, one of the opportunities I see for myself is to work on my negative mindset. I’ve noticed that other people going through similar circumstances seem to manage much better than I do. How can I start to reframe how I see things going forward so I can be happier and less stressed?
A: You’re not alone in this. Remember, brains get good at what they do. Negative thoughts create “channels” in your brain, which means that over time, this way of thinking can become your default. If you do a lot of negative thinking, you wire your brain to be good at producing negative thoughts. Your brain also gets good at seeing things to think negatively about. (This is possible due to something called neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to change based on the thoughts we think and the actions we take.)
One of the many byproducts of negative thinking is stress, which then leads to more negative thinking. So as you’re thinking about changes you want to make now that will lead to a healthier, happier year, this is a great place to start.
Here’s a suggestion: When negative thoughts come — and they will — don’t just ignore them. Instead, pay attention. Stop what you are doing. Close your eyes if you need to. Replace the negative thought with a positive thought. Hold the positive thought in your brain for a full minute, or more.
When you do this, your brain’s neuroplasticity starts to work in your favor. You become a sculptor of your own brain. How cool is that? (By the way, a book I like to recommend if you’re interested in reading more on the subject of neuroplasticity is You Are Not Your Brain, by Jeffrey Schwartz.)
Changing your thoughts can change your life. To build a habit around reframing negative thoughts, start paying closer attention to your thoughts, and practice actively replacing them.
12 Examples of Constructive Feedback to Inspire Growth
Giving and receiving feedback in the right way can help create an environment of creativity and growth.
In our world of hybrid work, giving and receiving feedback is more important than ever so both leaders and employees can feel connected and engaged. At Thrive, we emphasize compassionate directness in our feedback and communication, reframing feedback to be about growth rather than criticism, in order to create an environment that fosters creativity and risk-taking.
We asked our Thrive community to share with us one piece of feedback they’ve gotten or given that changed their work environment or mindset for the better. Which of these pieces of feedback resonates with you?
“You don’t always have to be the first one to speak.”
“When I first started working, I was always eager to participate and contribute in meetings, and I felt like this was a positive thing. However, it was once highlighted that sometimes this approach can be overbearing and can prevent others from sharing and taking part. From that day onwards, I always balance my contribution to ensure that I am not always the first to speak, or that I don’t contribute or say something on every single topic. I draw in others when I can. Simply listening to others and observing the meeting dynamics is just as important.”
—Leticia Corbisier, leadership consultant, Brussels, Belgium
“Remember to celebrate oneness.”
“The most impactful feedback I’ve received is to celebrate oneness. We all see our work through uniquely filtered lenses based on our life experiences. While it’s essential to celebrate diversity by understanding what makes us different, it’s equally important to celebrate oneness. As a species, more that unites us than should ever divide us. When we embrace our connectedness, we become more empathetic, accepting, and kind to one another.”
—James Petrossi, president of PNTL, Austin, TX
“Speak up and project your voice.”
“The most valuable piece of feedback I received was probably over 20 years ago, from a woman I worked for, that I strongly admire. She told me to speak up, project my voice, and ensure my message is always clear and succinct. I decided to invest in voice coaching, which was one of the best investments I have ever made as I facilitate one-on-one sessions and small groups and large groups, and my voice is my vehicle for all of these contexts. I found that this increased my confidence and enabled me to communicate more effectively. I will forever be grateful for this feedback. It was a pivotal moment.”
—Candice Tomlinson, coach and hypnotherapist, Sydney, NSW, Australia
“It doesn’t help someone else if you absorb their emotions.”
“When my husband and I were new parents, our daughter was having a very colicky day, and all her fussing and crying was really affecting me. My husband remarked ’It doesn’t help her if you absorb all her emotions.’ I realized he was right: my having empathy for our daughter did not mean that I should lose perspective. She needed me to be a soothing presence. Now, whenever situations are distressing, I try to balance two things: a deep and genuine empathy, and a commitment to not letting myself get overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s actually best for the other person if I step back just enough to regain my own calm and strength.”
—Christine M. Du Bois, anthropologist and poet, Lansdowne, PA
“You think you’re working really hard, but others don’t see it. It’s your responsibility to show them.”
“The most impactful piece of feedback I have ever received came from a female manager at a time where I was completely burnt out. She said, ‘You think you’re working really hard, but others don’t see it. It’s your responsibility to show them.’ At first, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could other people not see how hard I was working? But then I realized that all I had to do was to focus on the type of high-value work that others would notice, and allow all the busy work to fall away. The result: I stopped working evenings and weekends, and I got promoted within a few months. I am forever grateful to this woman. Becoming more visible with high-value results has been the most impactful thing I have ever done in my career.”
—Bianca Riemer, leadership coach, London, U.K.
“Make self-care your top priority.”
“When the pandemic started, it was especially hard on our food service supply chain organization as we were considered part of critical infrastructure. Crisis communications is one of our key responsibilities. When I realized that this crisis was going to be around longer than just a few weeks, I gave my team feedback that they hadn’t heard before in their careers: put yourself first. That meant making sure that they included an element of self-care in each day, took breaks whenever possible and openly discussed their fears, concerns and needs in the moment. Months later, I’ve kept that expectation to make self-care a top priority. The result has been 100% retention, high satisfaction scores, and the highest performing team I’ve had the pleasure of being part of.”
—Shira Miller, chief communications officer, Atlanta, GA
“Ask for what you want. The answer is always ‘no’ until you ask.”
“I received the best feedback from my Social Studies teacher in high school, when we were going over what I wanted in life. He wasn’t convinced and certainly didn’t think my statement was inviting action. His feedback on my answer was simply, ‘It’s good to know what you want, but are you prepared to ask for it? The answer is always ‘no’ until you ask.’ His feedback made it clear that if I want or need something, I must ask for it. If I don’t ask, the outcome is already the same as getting a ‘no.’ Those words of advice changed everything, and shaped my life into a positive force. I’ve given this feedback to so many young people when the opportunity comes up for feedback. Each one has reported better results after using it, and I’ll take that as a win.”
—Scott Miller, marketing director, Wilmington, DE
“Take initiative.”
“The best feedback that I’ve been given and since passed along to others is to take initiative. Whether it’s asking for help, starting something new, or speaking up, taking the first step takes courage. Along with taking initiative comes being proud of your work and what you do. Being content with your contribution to the work is crucial.”
—Henna Garrison, mindset coach, Sicily, Italy
“Be yourself — and don’t lose your style.”
“The best piece of feedback I ever received was to not ‘lose my style.’ The first time I received this feedback from a veteran VP. I didn’t quite understand what he meant, but after a second promotion, he gave me the same feedback again. I finally asked what exactly he meant by style and he clarified: ‘Be you. Don’t change to fit an idea of what you think should be. Keep your gumption. Your kindness. And your thoughtfulness as you continue to rise in the ranks.’ These words have stayed with me for years and have given me the confidence to own my style of leadership.”
—Christine Rich, marketing executive, OH
“Start with a question before jumping into the work.”
“I received feedback years ago that I jumped too quickly into the work. I didn’t pause to ask how someone’s weekend was or what they did last night. I was focused too much on the work task and not on those executing the task. I later contacted the person who was brave enough to give me that feedback, since it made such a positive impact on me and my behavior. I think about her comment more than I can count.”
—Donna Peters, executive coach, MBA Faculty, Atlanta, GA
“Live life on life’s terms.”
“As a young caregiver for my (now late) husband, I was struggling with the shock of his terminal cancer diagnosis and navigating a complex health system. He recognized my efforts and said, ‘Live life on life’s terms.’ This didn’t mean I tried any less, but accepting the circumstances instead of wishing for a different diagnosis helped me be more present for him and become a better medical advocate because I wasn’t wasting precious energy on resisting the situation.”
—Kristin Meekhof, author and book consultant, Royal Oak, MI
“When you focus on being of service to people, the sky’s the limit.”
“My father, who also was an entrepreneur, told me that if you build your business focused on being of service to people, the sky’s the limit. Don’t think about sales, think about solving people’s problems. My partner and I follow his words of wisdom and have built our company, NorthStar Moving, on the principles of kindness. We make it our mission to go beyond lifting boxes, to lifting up those in need.”
—Laura McHolm, moving company co-founder, Los Angeles, CA
10 Microsteps to Try During a Stressful Moment
These in-the-moment strategies will help you reset in just a minute or two.
When we experience stress, it affects our focus, our relationships, and our mental well-being. Research shows that stress can directly affect the brain and body, making it more difficult for us to live healthy lives and prioritize what’s important. And when we don’t address our stressors, they can become cumulative, which leads to overwhelm and burnout. That’s why it’s important to arm ourselves with in-the-moment tools that we can use in stressful situations to help us reset and feel more calm.
If you need some tools to help you better handle your stress, try these Microsteps:
Take a moment to notice if you’re holding tension anywhere in your body.
You may be hunching your shoulders, clenching your fists, or holding tension in another part of your body when you’re busy or stressed. Regularly pausing to adjust your body and release this tension can help you feel physically and mentally better.
Pause and focus on your breathing.
Conscious breathing, even for a few moments, can activate your parasympathetic nervous system and bring you a deep sense of calm. This will help you recharge, ground you in the present, and reframe the moment.
Close your eyes and visualize yourself in your favorite peaceful place.
The practice of creative visualization has been found to lower stress. Transport yourself to somewhere you love: a beautiful beach, a field filled with flowers, or the banks of a river, and notice how you relax, releasing tension.
Schedule time to watch a Thrive Reset.
Put a one-minute meeting into your calendar on a busy day with a link to your personal or favorite Reset. Making time for joy will help you maintain perspective if you’re feeling stressed or anxious, and will allow you to calm down.
Take a short music break.
Music has the power to lower blood pressure and heart rate and reduce stress and anxiety. Just listening to a song you love for 60-90 seconds can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, relaxing the body and lowering your levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
Write down three things you're grateful for.
This exercise has been shown to lower your stress levels and bring you a greater sense of calm. When we shift our attention to little things that bring us joy or appreciation, we allow ourselves to calm down and revisit our current situation with a new perspective.
Think of one small thing you can do to take some control.
We can’t always prevent stress, but we can take steps to manage it. Ask someone for help, see if there are other priorities you can drop, or try to move back a deadline.
Carry a pen and paper with you and draw if you feel stressed.
It doesn’t matter what you draw, but the act of drawing will help distract you from stress and help you keep it in perspective. It can also spark joy or spark feelings of nostalgia, which can help you calm down.
When something is causing you stress, pause and ask yourself if it’s good or bad stress.
Not all stress is bad. Good stress, like a challenging work project or planning an upcoming life event, can be motivating and meaningful. Simply recognizing which kind of stress you’re experiencing can help you take action accordingly.
Think of one positive thing that could come from a stressful situation.
Reframing your perspective can help you feel more in control and less stressed. Ask yourself: is there an opportunity to grow here? A chance to learn something new? A part of this I can feel grateful for?
A Mindset Shift to Reframe the Parts of Your Job You Dislike
Instead of dwelling on the negative, try focusing on one aspect of your work that brings you joy.
If you dread certain aspects of your job, chances are you focus on them before a workday. Whatever you focus on expands. When you focus on dread, it grows bigger inside. But even if you face a day of challenges, you can go to work with the same enthusiasm you have on days without challenges.
When you approach work with enthusiasm, it ignites that spark to get things done. Suppose you ask yourself what aspects of the workday excite you or ignite enthusiasm. Then you focus on those things that bring you joy, passion, or sheer enjoyment.
Is it a favorite co-worker or client? Is it a particular place or an interactive situation? See if you can find one positive part of your daily schedule that you look forward to. Then focus on it and let it expand into enthusiasm inside. You will discover more chill time, job success, and personal joy.
Excerpt from #Chill: Turn Off Your Job and Turn On Your Life with permission from the author and publisher.
3 Small Ways to Reframe Your Limiting Beliefs Around Stress
These strategies can help shift your mindset and avoid burnout.
If you frequently feel overwhelmed or burned out, it might be because you have beliefs that are keeping you from managing your stress effectively, like equating taking breaks with laziness, or thinking you can just “power through.” These are limiting beliefs: thoughts or assumptions you think are the truth, which stop you from doing certain things. These limiting beliefs might be making your stress feel even more overwhelming than it needs to be –– but the good news is, you can replace these beliefs with positive ones that help shift your perspective.
Here are three small ways to reframe your limiting beliefs around stress:
Identify the belief that’s holding you back.
We have to first identify our limiting beliefs in order to reframe them. For example, one common belief is that burning out is the price we have to pay for success — even if we know deep down that we can’t show up as our best selves if we’re running on empty. We can replace this belief with a more positive one that sets us up to manage stress and build resilience. You can try saying “I’m at my best when I take care of myself."
Do an audit of your working hours and habits.
Sometimes, we get so used to the way we’ve been working for so long that we don’t stop to think that it might be time for a change. If you’re used to working from sunrise to sunset without a real lunch break, for example, or checking email when you get into bed, those habits are likely adding to your stress –– and reaffirming limiting beliefs around what success looks like. Doing an audit of your current habits can help you make tweaks to your schedule, shifting toward a way of working that prioritizes your well-being.
Recite an affirmation that helps you maintain perspective.
Stressful days are inevitable, but when we have affirmations to help keep our stress in perspective, it can help us reframe our limiting beliefs around that stress, and avoid it becoming cumulative. A couple affirmations that might help are, “Breaks are productive,” or “I am in control of my stress.” Find a mantra or a word that resonates with you, and repeat it to yourself when you feel stress start to build.
4 Retail and Healthcare Workers Share How They Reframe a Negative Mindset
These small steps can make a big impact.
We all go through times where we feel stressed or overwhelmed, but coping with those feelings starts with recognizing them first, and then shifting our mindset to one that’s more hopeful and optimistic. And when you feel negativity take over, it’s important to have tools that can help you reframe.
Below, four retail and healthcare workers open up about the tips that help them reframe a negative mindset and improve their well-being:
Swap your “can’t” thoughts with “can” thoughts
“I feel like my overall spirit has changed. I’ve finally removed the word ‘can’t’ from my vocabulary. Now that I’ve gotten out of my own way, I tell myself, ‘I can do this.’ The sky’s the limit.”
— Jennifer Wiens, McPherson, KS
Think of a time you overcame an obstacle
“One Microstep that helps me is, ‘Think of a specific time when you overcame an obstacle.’ When I first read it, I thought about my dad, who has survived cancer twice. He got better and he is still with us today. So I said to myself, ‘If I feel like I’m drowning in a glass of water, I’ll think about what he went through.’ I now know that nothing that feels hard in the moment is going to affect my happiness.”
—Yamil Cruz, Toa Baja, PR
Pause and take a deep breath
“I work with veterans and helped to establish our COVID vaccine clinic. Work can be stressful and I use Microsteps to stay calm, like pausing for a deep breath. Sitting at my desk with my feet flat on the floor and deep breathing for even 20 seconds helps me refocus. ‘Me time’ is important. I pray as soon as my feet hit the ground.”
— Arvis Abban, Fredericksburg, VA
Take a moment for gratitude
“My dad passed away unexpectedly in 2006 and I cried for months. One day, my son, who was 6 at the time, asked if we could have a happy day. It was like a switch flicked on. I knew I couldn’t continue being sad, and I knew my dad wouldn’t want that. From that moment on, I have focused on being thankful for what I have and every day that I am given.”
— Jocelyn Bown, Woodstock, NB