8 Microsteps to Help You Replace Perfectionism With Self-Compassion

Leaning into kindness and empathy can help you shift your perspective — and see your setbacks as opportunities for growth.

We’re often told to set ambitious goals and work on bettering ourselves, and it’s human nature to want to evolve and progress. But when we get too caught up in the pressure to be perfect, we end up feeling stressed and anxious. The truth is, experiencing mistakes and setbacks is what helps us learn and grow. Being hard on ourselves about any sort of failure only leads to shame, self-criticism, and guilt. Researchers have found that perfectionism is more prevalent than ever, and it’s affecting psychological well-being and feelings of distress, especially among young people.

One powerful way to manage expectations is to lean into self-compassion. Self-compassion is the practice of being gentle with ourselves when we encounter difficulties or failures. It involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and empathy that we would offer to a friend in need. By shifting our focus from perfection to self-compassion, we can create more realistic expectations for ourselves and more sustainable habits.

Here are eight Microsteps to help you replace perfectionism with self-compassion:

When you notice you’re being hard on yourself, ask yourself, “Is this how I would talk to a friend or loved one?” That simple shift in perspective can help you tweak your self-talk and treat yourself more kindly.

If you’re frustrated with a task or project, take a break to do something that brings you joy. Taking a break to do something you love, whether it’s listening to music or taking a walk, can be a great way to get out of your own head and come back with a clear mind.

When you start a task, set a timer. Allocating specific time limits for tasks can help prevent overthinking and perfectionistic tendencies. Remind yourself that you can always put a project down and come back to it later.

Ask for honest feedback from your team. If you’re prone to judging your own work harshly, get a second opinion rather than critiquing your own abilities. Your teammate will likely have some positive feedback that can help motivate you.

Instead of saying “practice makes perfect,” reframe the mantra to “practice makes progress.” This reframing can help you let go of perfectionist tendencies and remind yourself that effort is worth celebrating whether you fully achieve your goal or not.

When you experience a setback, ask yourself what you can learn from it. Reminding yourself that there’s a lesson to be learned from each mistake can help you be more compassionate with yourself the next time you experience one.

Repeat a celebratory mantra when you accomplish something. Maybe it’s “I am strong and capable,” or something as simple as “I am happy to be here.”

Remind yourself to focus on progress, not perfection. Letting go of the idea of doing everything perfectly allows you to both celebrate small achievements and understand that small setbacks won’t undo all the progress you’ve made.